Stripper chronicles: pros and cons

Q: What’s a bad night like at work?

A: For me a bad night is when I’m stressed and I get that yucky stressed feeling going through my body That tends to override any part of what’s actually happening at work. But otherwise it’s if you get a horrible customer, someone who’s malicious or rude. You get a lot of rude customers. You get guys trying to grab you all night. That sort of stuff.

Q: What’s a good night like?

A: In a great mood. Really enjoy it. Have really nice conversations. You’re like, ‘Awww, everyone’s lovely.’ It’s always fun having a customer who’s paying you that you actually enjoy spending time with, who gets how it works. So you don’t have to discuss money every ten minutes, which can be awkward. He gets it and just pays you.

Q: Do you ever have to haggle?

A: I don’t bother. Some people want you to so I just don’t. There’s always someone else that they can go and talk to. They mostly know what the deal is.

Q: How are strippers different from other girls?

A: They’re better at dressing. They tend to know what suits their bodies as opposed to what they want to wear. I think they tend to be a bit more confident.

Q: They seem to be lovely. Aren’t most strippers lovely? Or just your friends?

A: Well I like my friends. I don’t get along with all the strippers. They’re probably pretty – at least at work – lacking in ‘judgmentalness’. Because you kind of have to be to get along with the clients. Not always, but you’re going to get someone in who doesn’t necessarily agree with you and part of your job is to, you know, humour them.

Q: What do you like about being a stripper? Is it a good job?

B: It’s a fantastic job. Because of freedom. There’s a lot of time to live your life. A lot of people seem to live lives which are just work.

Q: Yes. That’s normal.

B: I know, but why do that? Why would you? Where’s the life then? What’s the point? So that’s a very good thing about it. And I like working for myself. I don’t do well when people try and tell me what to do. I don’t do well when people try and push me to work harder. I work as hard as I want. Sometimes I work very hard and sometimes I don’t, and that’s up to me and I like that. And when you’ve got your head screwed on it’s quite good for your ego. It’s a compliment.

Q: What’s bad about being a stripper?

B: I think you can lose perspective. I think you need to get away from the job reasonably often because you do lose perspective about what’s important, like how important it is to look good, and how to relate to people in general, rather than just in that environment. If you’re not feeling good about yourself, putting yourself in a situation where you feel like people are looking critically at you, assessing you, is not really a very healthy situation to be in. And making unpredictable money is quite difficult sometimes. Even though its pretty good money, the unpredictability of it can be a bit stressful. It makes it hard to organise your finances.

Stripper chronicles: more about men

Q: How has being a stripper changed your attitude to men?

B: I don’t know if it has. When I’m at work I’m probably a little bit less understanding than I would have been when I first started. Less tolerant.

Q: So if they go past a line, you don’t put up with it any more?

B: Yes. When I’m out, it’s probably changed my attitude in that way. When I’m out I expect to have security guards at my beck and call. Like, ‘Him. Out!’ So I go to a nightclub and I expect to be able to say, ‘Get rid of him, please.’ And I think, ‘I can’t do that!’

Q: Sometimes you can. It depends what they’ve done.

B: Yeah, but this is for little things. If people say something that makes me feel like I am at work it annoys me, makes me angry. If they say something sleazy.

Q: But you don’t mind when you are at work because that’s the whole idea?

B: Well, I didn’t used to mind that. Whereas now, sometimes I’m tolerant of that at work, but often when I’m out it makes me feel like I am at work and I think, ‘I don’t need this. If you’re not paying me, you don’t have the right to be rude to me. I don’t need it. So it’s changed my attitude in that way. A man has to be very, very non-sleazy for me to be tolerant of him talking to me now.

A: And it’s ‘tolerant’. It’s not interesting any more. Conversations with people aren’t interesting any more. You’re going to tolerate it as long as you can before you fuck off. And it is like that. ‘Can I tolerate this, and how much longer can I?’

B: It’s true. Like when I met M he wasn’t sleazy. He was a dag. He was just a bit weird. And even then I was umming and ahhing. I was kind of interested but kind of defensive.

Stripping sisters

Q: What’s it like to work as a stripper with your sister?

B: Um . . .

A: She loves it. She. Loves. It.

B: The thing about stripping – well one of the many things about stripping – is that a lot of the job is not what people think it is. Actual stripping is only a part of it. And that happens in private, so it’s not as weird doing the job with your sister there as it would be if it were all about stripping out on the floor, I guess. It’s kind of like being a hostess. You’re in a night club type environment, people come to have fun, and so they want to come and see pretty girls who are having fun, and making them feel happy and like they’re having fun. And then they’ll want to have more fun with you and then they’ll want to pay you. So going out to a night club type environment is something that I do do with A, and it’s fun, and it’s just like that.

Q: So it’s a good thing to have a clubbing friend with you at work.

B: It’s very good. Very good.

A: Told ya. She. Loves. It.

B: Because she has the perspective of a stripper which most people that I love don’t have so she’s supportive in that way and she also has the perspective of . . .

Q: Hang on. Are you saying that I’m not very supportive?

A: No. You’re Terrible.

B; Shocking. Shocking.

A: I hate the way you talk about it, like you’re kind of proud of us. Disgusting, disturbed woman.

(This is all said in jest, in case it’s not obvious on the page. You know, you had to be there.)

B: No you are. But there are some things that I talk about to A because she knows what I mean. She’s been there and she’s experienced it all. There are other strippers who I can talk about that with but they won’t necessarily come from a similar point of view. You know there are a lot of things that we believe that other people don’t and so A has both of those perspectives in common with me so I can talk to her and feel understood and supported. And she makes me laugh and so it’s good to have a break from being in a sort of work frame of mind just to be silly. Which I’ll do with A around much more often than I’ll do without her around.

Q: Thanks Babe. Do you have anything to add to that, A?

A: I like working with B because she gives me lifts to work and . . . I like her. So it’s nice having people that you like at work with you.

B: Do you get the feeling that she’s . . .

Q: Not Taking This Seriously?

A: You know, sometimes it’s bad, because if B gets sad then I get sad and I don’t make any money. So I want to be there for her. And if she’s a bit upset about something I’ll find out about it and I’m like, ‘Awwww,’ and I feel myself deflate and I go, ‘Dammit! I did it again.’ And then I go home.

B: I don’t go home.

A: But I feel bad now. ‘Awww, B’s sad. Can I go?’ Like I went downstairs one night to ask the housemum if B could go because she was really upset about something and she didn’t want to ask if she could go. And the housemum said that’s fine and I said, ‘Can I go?’ And she went, ‘Yeah,’ and I said, ‘I’m sorry. Because B is sad and it makes me sad,’ and she said, ‘I know. I know that. You’re ‘right mate.’ So mostly it’s excellent but occasionally it’s bad because, you know, B is my big sister, and I have this really protective thing with her so if she gets upset about something I can find it a little hard to focus on the job because, well, I Don’t Care. About the job. Really. So if there’s anything to distract me I’m going to go with it. That’s a little bit with everyone, not just B. It just affects me a bit more if it’s B.

B: Yes, it’s a volatile kind of environment. Customers and dancers – and bar staff and everyone that works there – we’re all in it together. If it’s got a bad feel, we all cop it.

A: And it’s kind of cool. You get really good at picking up the feel of a room or a group of people. Which I think we all do anyway, but we’re so used to walking into an environment and having to know what’s going on that we start to pick it up without knowing that we are. So you can walk in and know what the vibe is.

Q: So you can walk into a night club and get a feel for it?

A: Probably, yes. I usually walk into night clubs and it just. looks. so. pretentious! ‘I’m not at work!’

B: It’s easier at work. It’s easier in an environment you’re used to because you feel the difference. Whereas somewhere you’ve never been before . . .

A: You still can though. You still do get a feel.

B: You can, definitely. And it’s the same the other way. When people are feeling good, it rubs off on everybody. Which often is the case because the girls are just so lovely, they really are lovely to you when you go there. They say hi to you and they really give you good vibes from the start. Most of the time.

Stripper chronicles: Sex

This is the question I thought might be the most interesting, but we came up with very little. I didn’t have anything to include of daughter B’s answer because it was more or less, ‘It hasn’t.’

Q: How as being a stripper changed your attitude to sex?

A: Not sure. I’m probably less excited about sex.

Q: Would it be a bit more of the same? I mean, you’re being sexual to strange men for your work.

A: Theoretically sexual but, you know, I think you can compartmentalise that. So at work I’m not being sexual. I’ve sort of closed that off. It’s like it’s a different part.

Q: So you’re just doing your dance that you know will be sexual to them but doesn’t feel that way to you?

A: It might or might not be sexual to them and I’m not thinking about that. It’s like, I don’t want to think about that, so I don’t. Yeah, it’s weird. I think now, because I’m a stripper and I have been for a while, there’s this idea that I’m supposed to be really open about sex. You know, you tell someone you’re a stripper and they start talking to you about Club Xs and all that sort of thing, you know, sex shops. And, because I hate feeling like I’m supposed to do anything, I’ve got a bit of the opposite, so now I’m really not that into being open about sex. Because I’m supposed to be. But I’m not sure if that has actually changed or if it’s just the way I always was. But there is a bit of that, yeah. Like guys sort of expect that. I’m not sure if I can handle it though. ‘Cos, you know, I’ve always hated it when people think I should do something because I just should.

Stripper chronicles: about women

Q: Has being a stripper changed your attitude to women?

A: Yes. I don’t like women as much. At least not a lot of the women who come into work.

Q: Why?

A: Because they’re so annoying when they come in! The girls at work are strippers. The guys at work are men and if a girl comes into the club she’s a man. That’s how we look at her. We’re the women. Everyone else is a customer. They come in and sometimes they’re lovely, but sometimes they come in and they feel so threatened. It’s like we’re threatening their sexuality and they can’t handle that – which is understandable, I couldn’t have handled that when I first went in. So they get really bitchy, you know, as women are wont to do, and I’m just always like, ‘Just leave then! We don’t care. You can do this job if you want, or you can not, or you can, you know, whatever.’ But god, what an effort! And sometimes they’re really horrible. So they’re a real effort when they are like that. Sometimes they’re just so nervous and they get you to give them a dance, you know, as a bit of a joke, and they are such horrible dances to do because you can’t give them a proper dance ‘cos they’re giggling too much and they don’t know where to look. And on the other hand you want to give them a proper dance because that’s what they’ve paid for, but also you do try and give the client whatever they actually want so you get a bit of a feel for that, but you don’t want to give them too much as well ‘cos they’ll get really uncomfortable. So it’s always like, ‘Oh, fucking hell. What am I supposed to do here?’ And then you get the girls who think they can touch because they’re girls. And that just pisses you off. Like, ‘Fuck you. Who do you think you are?’ And some girls are absolutely lovely.

Q: And I guess the ones who are lovely you don’t notice as much. It’s the horrible ones that you’re going to be noticing.

A: They’re mostly OK, it’s just that most of the customers are men so you get really used to relating to men. When you relate to women you do have to relate to them a little bit differently and it’s just that there’s not really a place for them there. And some of them are lovely, and those ones are great. Like, I don’t talk to women, but if they come up to me – which they OFTEN DO!! LEAVE ME ALONE – they usually are lovely. But often they’re just. so. annoying. And they start dancing for their boyfriends in the corner, you know, because they’re so uncomfortable about their own sexuality that they need to prove that they’re sexy. Which is actually quite funny for us. But you know what I mean? It’s like, ‘Don’t Come In. You Can’t Handle It.’ And then they’ll make us feel bad, like, try to make us feel bad and give us greasy looks and we’re like, ‘WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?’ So, yeah, I feel a bit separated from other women now. I don’t really know how to relate to them as well. But I think it’s just numbers. You get so used to relating to men and other strippers – and other strippers are sort of different to other women, it’s a different sort of relationship I suppose – that you’re just like, “Oh, I don’t know how to do this.’

Q: What about lesbians?

A: When girls decide that they’re getting a dance, and they’re enjoying it and they’re getting into it, they show that they’re into it. I’m like, ‘What are you doing?’ They think it’s fine because they’re women. They’re just a bit more wrong than guys are. Like if you see a guy stripper he’ll almost always have scars, scratches and shit on his back because women are nasty. Women will try to grab a guy and all that sort of stuff. Yeah, they’re much more into pain than men are. So they can be a bit like that. But again, often they’re lovely. You know, I’ve danced for lesbians and they just enjoy it and we have a nice chat. I think it’s just numbers, you know. Half and half. Half of the women might be lovely and half of them might be horrible, whereas with men, you’re so used to sifting through and figuring out who you want to dance for with guys, you’re going to get less of the crap.

Q: Or it’s designed for men. The way the whole place is set up and operates is done for what men want.

A: Yeah, I think that’s got a lot to do with it. Women don’t get that the rules apply to them. And we’re like, ‘Well you walked in here. Think of yourself as a guy.’ You know, women are used to being able to play up and the guys around them reacting to it, and they can’t in a strip club because they’re not the women. They’re the men. They’re not the women in that environment. It’s really strange. It’s like when you come in you’re now a customer and that’s it. You don’t really have a gender. And they don’t get that. Obviously they don’t get that, so they don’t really get the rules of how they’re supposed to behave and that it’s not funny when they do dumb shit. We want to get them to leave then because it’s inappropriate.

I thought I’d better ask my other daughter this question since daughter A didn’t pull her punches much. So here is daughter B’s opinion (with an interjection or 2 from A):

Q: How has being a stripper changed you attitude to women?

B: Generally, it’s improved it more than the opposite – whatever the opposite is.

Q: De-proved it.

B: Yeah, that. In most of my life I haven’t gotten along with women very well. I don’t really understand women. I understand men. They make sense to me – well, some of them do. On a superficial level men make sense to me, and on a superficial level women don’t. I don’t know how to talk to them. In a conversation with a woman I don’t know what to say, I don’t know where to take the conversation, I don’t know how to connect with them. In general. Obviously there have been a couple of exceptions to that. But then I became a stripper and I met all of these strippers who are really, really cool people, and open and easy-going and fun, and I get along with them. I love them. They’re fantastic people. So in that way it’s improved my attitude to women.

Q: What is it that didn’t used to make sense to you about women?

B: I think I don’t know what women want from me. You know, if you have a conversation you have a sub-conscious contract about what it is for and where you’re going to take it, what the point of even talking to each other is. And I know what that is with a man. It doesn’t have to be a man that I’m interested in, but I still have a sort of underlying confidence about the conversation that I know what my job is. I know what I’ve got to do to make it all go well, whatever the purpose of it is, and for everyone to be happy. And with a woman I don’t know. I don’t know what she wants from me. I’m often not even sure why I’m having the conversation.

Q: So what’s the difference when you are having a conversation with a stripper?

B: I guess for starters I have more in common with them because we have the same job. It’s endlessly interesting to talk to other strippers about the job because you can’t talk to anyone else about it. They really don’t understand. They almost always get completely the wrong end of the stick. Any number of wrong ends. It’s not the same thing that they get wrong but they’re just not on the same wavelength. So I suppose I have something to talk to them about and I find them more easy-going than other women. They’re not, I don’t know, competitive in a conversation. And they’re very, very friendly but they’re not needy or intrusive or any of that.

Q: Has being a stripper had any effect on how you relate to non-stripper women now?

B: Well I don’t really relate to non-stripper women. I don’t know any. The only non-stripper women that I meet often are customers at work and I avoid them. So I don’t really talk to them.

Q: For the same reasons as ‘A’? That it’s not very good having female customers at work?

B: For the same reasons as I’ve always struggled with women. I don’t know why they’re there. I don’t know what they want from me, and I certainly don’t want to dance for them because I don’t feel sexy dancing for a girl and if I don’t feel sexy I don’t want to do the job. I don’t feel sexy dancing for a couple. Don’t like it. So, when you’re at work, if it’s not to get a dance there’s no point talking to somebody.

Q: ‘A’ said often girls come up to talk to her, nice ones, but she doesn’t want to waste her time. Do girls sometimes approach you at work?

B: Not just to talk, very often. Sometimes they approach me for dances. Very occasionally.

Q: And do you say no?

B: Depends if I feel like I can say no without offending them.

A: AHEM. I don’t mind wasting my time talking to girls.

Q: You may not have said that. I’ll have to check my files.

B: Sometimes I’ll say something like, ‘I’ve just got another dance to do,’ or ‘I’m busy at the moment,’ or, ‘I’m about to go on stage,’ and then I hope that they’ll forget about me. I don’t normally say it to girls but often a guy will come up and say, ‘ Will you dance for me and my girlfriend?’ and I’ll say, ‘No. I don’t dance for girls.’