Stripper chronicles: about women

Q: Has being a stripper changed your attitude to women?

A: Yes. I don’t like women as much. At least not a lot of the women who come into work.

Q: Why?

A: Because they’re so annoying when they come in! The girls at work are strippers. The guys at work are men and if a girl comes into the club she’s a man. That’s how we look at her. We’re the women. Everyone else is a customer. They come in and sometimes they’re lovely, but sometimes they come in and they feel so threatened. It’s like we’re threatening their sexuality and they can’t handle that – which is understandable, I couldn’t have handled that when I first went in. So they get really bitchy, you know, as women are wont to do, and I’m just always like, ‘Just leave then! We don’t care. You can do this job if you want, or you can not, or you can, you know, whatever.’ But god, what an effort! And sometimes they’re really horrible. So they’re a real effort when they are like that. Sometimes they’re just so nervous and they get you to give them a dance, you know, as a bit of a joke, and they are such horrible dances to do because you can’t give them a proper dance ‘cos they’re giggling too much and they don’t know where to look. And on the other hand you want to give them a proper dance because that’s what they’ve paid for, but also you do try and give the client whatever they actually want so you get a bit of a feel for that, but you don’t want to give them too much as well ‘cos they’ll get really uncomfortable. So it’s always like, ‘Oh, fucking hell. What am I supposed to do here?’ And then you get the girls who think they can touch because they’re girls. And that just pisses you off. Like, ‘Fuck you. Who do you think you are?’ And some girls are absolutely lovely.

Q: And I guess the ones who are lovely you don’t notice as much. It’s the horrible ones that you’re going to be noticing.

A: They’re mostly OK, it’s just that most of the customers are men so you get really used to relating to men. When you relate to women you do have to relate to them a little bit differently and it’s just that there’s not really a place for them there. And some of them are lovely, and those ones are great. Like, I don’t talk to women, but if they come up to me – which they OFTEN DO!! LEAVE ME ALONE – they usually are lovely. But often they’re just. so. annoying. And they start dancing for their boyfriends in the corner, you know, because they’re so uncomfortable about their own sexuality that they need to prove that they’re sexy. Which is actually quite funny for us. But you know what I mean? It’s like, ‘Don’t Come In. You Can’t Handle It.’ And then they’ll make us feel bad, like, try to make us feel bad and give us greasy looks and we’re like, ‘WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?’ So, yeah, I feel a bit separated from other women now. I don’t really know how to relate to them as well. But I think it’s just numbers. You get so used to relating to men and other strippers – and other strippers are sort of different to other women, it’s a different sort of relationship I suppose – that you’re just like, “Oh, I don’t know how to do this.’

Q: What about lesbians?

A: When girls decide that they’re getting a dance, and they’re enjoying it and they’re getting into it, they show that they’re into it. I’m like, ‘What are you doing?’ They think it’s fine because they’re women. They’re just a bit more wrong than guys are. Like if you see a guy stripper he’ll almost always have scars, scratches and shit on his back because women are nasty. Women will try to grab a guy and all that sort of stuff. Yeah, they’re much more into pain than men are. So they can be a bit like that. But again, often they’re lovely. You know, I’ve danced for lesbians and they just enjoy it and we have a nice chat. I think it’s just numbers, you know. Half and half. Half of the women might be lovely and half of them might be horrible, whereas with men, you’re so used to sifting through and figuring out who you want to dance for with guys, you’re going to get less of the crap.

Q: Or it’s designed for men. The way the whole place is set up and operates is done for what men want.

A: Yeah, I think that’s got a lot to do with it. Women don’t get that the rules apply to them. And we’re like, ‘Well you walked in here. Think of yourself as a guy.’ You know, women are used to being able to play up and the guys around them reacting to it, and they can’t in a strip club because they’re not the women. They’re the men. They’re not the women in that environment. It’s really strange. It’s like when you come in you’re now a customer and that’s it. You don’t really have a gender. And they don’t get that. Obviously they don’t get that, so they don’t really get the rules of how they’re supposed to behave and that it’s not funny when they do dumb shit. We want to get them to leave then because it’s inappropriate.

I thought I’d better ask my other daughter this question since daughter A didn’t pull her punches much. So here is daughter B’s opinion (with an interjection or 2 from A):

Q: How has being a stripper changed you attitude to women?

B: Generally, it’s improved it more than the opposite – whatever the opposite is.

Q: De-proved it.

B: Yeah, that. In most of my life I haven’t gotten along with women very well. I don’t really understand women. I understand men. They make sense to me – well, some of them do. On a superficial level men make sense to me, and on a superficial level women don’t. I don’t know how to talk to them. In a conversation with a woman I don’t know what to say, I don’t know where to take the conversation, I don’t know how to connect with them. In general. Obviously there have been a couple of exceptions to that. But then I became a stripper and I met all of these strippers who are really, really cool people, and open and easy-going and fun, and I get along with them. I love them. They’re fantastic people. So in that way it’s improved my attitude to women.

Q: What is it that didn’t used to make sense to you about women?

B: I think I don’t know what women want from me. You know, if you have a conversation you have a sub-conscious contract about what it is for and where you’re going to take it, what the point of even talking to each other is. And I know what that is with a man. It doesn’t have to be a man that I’m interested in, but I still have a sort of underlying confidence about the conversation that I know what my job is. I know what I’ve got to do to make it all go well, whatever the purpose of it is, and for everyone to be happy. And with a woman I don’t know. I don’t know what she wants from me. I’m often not even sure why I’m having the conversation.

Q: So what’s the difference when you are having a conversation with a stripper?

B: I guess for starters I have more in common with them because we have the same job. It’s endlessly interesting to talk to other strippers about the job because you can’t talk to anyone else about it. They really don’t understand. They almost always get completely the wrong end of the stick. Any number of wrong ends. It’s not the same thing that they get wrong but they’re just not on the same wavelength. So I suppose I have something to talk to them about and I find them more easy-going than other women. They’re not, I don’t know, competitive in a conversation. And they’re very, very friendly but they’re not needy or intrusive or any of that.

Q: Has being a stripper had any effect on how you relate to non-stripper women now?

B: Well I don’t really relate to non-stripper women. I don’t know any. The only non-stripper women that I meet often are customers at work and I avoid them. So I don’t really talk to them.

Q: For the same reasons as ‘A’? That it’s not very good having female customers at work?

B: For the same reasons as I’ve always struggled with women. I don’t know why they’re there. I don’t know what they want from me, and I certainly don’t want to dance for them because I don’t feel sexy dancing for a girl and if I don’t feel sexy I don’t want to do the job. I don’t feel sexy dancing for a couple. Don’t like it. So, when you’re at work, if it’s not to get a dance there’s no point talking to somebody.

Q: ‘A’ said often girls come up to talk to her, nice ones, but she doesn’t want to waste her time. Do girls sometimes approach you at work?

B: Not just to talk, very often. Sometimes they approach me for dances. Very occasionally.

Q: And do you say no?

B: Depends if I feel like I can say no without offending them.

A: AHEM. I don’t mind wasting my time talking to girls.

Q: You may not have said that. I’ll have to check my files.

B: Sometimes I’ll say something like, ‘I’ve just got another dance to do,’ or ‘I’m busy at the moment,’ or, ‘I’m about to go on stage,’ and then I hope that they’ll forget about me. I don’t normally say it to girls but often a guy will come up and say, ‘ Will you dance for me and my girlfriend?’ and I’ll say, ‘No. I don’t dance for girls.’