Head jobs

There’s nothing that brings a couple together as much as head job I don’t think.

I mean, what more could togetherness mean??? One mouth, one cock, both coming together.

It just doesn’t get any better than that.

Oh, wait! Yes it does!! When he munches the rug at the same time!!

Well feed me garlic and call me stinky, what sort of a fuckwit am I??

If you intend giving your man a blowie remember. A mouthful of hot coffee before a mouthful of cock will always be appreciated!

How NOT to get revenge

There are hundreds of thousands of people have had marriage/relationship break downs. In many cases they simply not meant to be no matter how hard you try.
The reasons are many and varied, some with other people involved, others simply because life and all it’s trials get in the way and the relationship simply cannot withstand the pressure.
In both my cases all I wanted was to be done with them and move on once the decision was made to finish it.
There were no thoughts of revenge or payback, none of those things.
Now, if I had been inclined to making sure they suffered I’m hoping I would be smarter than this
The time between the break up and the attempted act of revenge amused me too I must say. Why the devil would you wait so damned long?
Did this woman sit at home for 8 years trying to decide which manner of pay back was best? Did she sit in her lounge chair every night dreaming of revenge on an old boyfriend?
If she did it was obviously time wasted because she didn’t even have the intelligence to not use her home computer.
She would have been better off at an internet cafe? At least the IP address would have been generic instead of her home address!
Let this be a lesson to anyone considering getting their own back, even if it is 8 years after a break up.
Try and learn form the error of this woman’s ways.
If you want pay back, just shoot the bastard, then noone else can have him either! Not only that, youre pretty much guaranteed 3 meals a day and a bed for around 20 years. Who knows, you may find out you don’t like men after all and in fact want to munch the rug.
Sounds more practical to me. If I’m going to jail it’s for a real crime, not some pissy little kick him in the balls reason.
~knowledgable~

This works well

Ladies, there are many ways to keep your man happy if you’re so inclined {which is probably not a bad idea if you want the trash taken out and the lawns mowed}

There are many ways for a man to keep a woman happy too, but that’s another post.

The advice I have today is short, sweet and very, very deep.

“To keep a man totally happy, you need to be 3 women in one.
A lady in the lounge, a chef in the kitchen and a slut in the bedroom”

Typical bloody men, never satisfied with one!!

~knowledgable~

For the guys

The bulk of our wisdom has been for the girls, so I thought I’d balance the scales with a small piece of advice for the guys. Just a quickie though. Don’t want to be giving the shop away do we girls?

If you remember this always, it will stand you in good stead.

More than likely get you laid at some point too.

Dear knowledgable

I received this email from a somewhat distressed young man just last night. I would appreciate it if my esteemed colleagues could attempt some type of solution for this guy. He sounds as if he’s suffering for all the wrong reasons. My heart goes out to him…I would ordinarily give a response here, but for unknown reasons I’m feeling quite warm and flushed…..

Dear ladies of the all knowing blog,
I’ve spoken to a sex therapist about my little quandary but he seemed more interested in the 350.00 an hour I had to pay than actually giving me any answers. I know how cheap you girls are so this was the obvious next step.
Here is the crux of the matter. I have a VERY big dick! In fact, it’s HUGE! Whilst I am the envy of most male friends, this is not the case with women.
I cannot find a woman willing to participate in the horizontal hula with me! I’m considered by the opposite sex to be reasonably attractive and never have a problem getting first, second and even third dates, which is about when the problem starts. {I’m not one to push a woman to sleep with me until at least the 3rd date out of respect}
All goes well, to a point at these times. I have a special place I like to take girl to eat. French cuisine, very romantic atmosphere, good wine. I think it’s nice to do things in style you know? We get past dinner, dessert and coffee without any trouble at all.
It’s when I suggest a night cap at my place we seem to hit the wall.
Just last night I went through the motions with a wonderful young lady named Linda. After arriving at my apartment and enjoying coffee and some light petting, the situation looked as if it would progress to my king size water bed. Getting to the bedroom was no problem, still kissing and petting, becoming quite passionate. Time to disrobe. All is well until Linda decides to go down on me.
Within 2 minutes of her seeing my member, in ALL his glory, she has dressed, and abuses me in no uncertain terms.
Here is the truly painful part. Her reaction was:
“I’m insulted you think I have a big enough place to put that monster!! What do you think I am? A 44 gallon drum? Don’t ever call me again!!”
I can’t help that I have something this size in my pants! It was almost like she thought I’d grown it specially to upset her, like some type of mutant monster!
Please help me! Should I be telling women of this before I get to the point of going to bed with them? Surely that would be in bad taste?
I can just see me over the strawberry crepes. “Oh, by the way, I need you to know my shlong is 12″ long and 4″ round. Do you think you can handle that???”
I’m not convinced this is the answer.
Please help me. My wrist is also starting to be a problem because I need to have the odd wank in order to keep myself sane.
Please tell me you have the answer oh wise ones.
Signed
Biggus Dickus in a dilemma.

Shmokin’ da pole

Ladies, you wanna know how to give the best blow job ever? You wanna know how to satisfy your man completely, giving him a mind-blowing, earth-shattering, toes-curling hummer?

Get all your teeth pulled out so you can gum that shit!

For the Yiff of It!

Dear Ms. Stark and the Good Ladies of the BOK,

I am in a bit of a quandry and I hope that you knowledgeable ladies can give me some advice.  For the last few months, I have noticed that my husband has been very interested in plush animals.  It started with him purchasing a few for me (from fairs, for special occasions etc).  A plush puppy here, a soft little pony there…  I didn’t seem to mind this behaviour at first.  But later, as his compulsion grew, I am finding his behaviour more ”strange” and “bizarre” (Our bedroom is stuffed with plush animals people!  They are choking me in my sleep! [gasp, gasp!]).    

Oh!  And, more recently, I have noticed that he spends hours browsing the Internet for pornographic photos of cartoon animals!  Just last week, while arranging my toiletries, I found a stash of XXX rated cartoon comics of furry-animals in our bathroom cabinet!  Needless to say, I was shocked.  I didn’t realize they even made such a thing as “furry-porn”.  Now, I will admit, that I flipped through a few of these comics and found them rather intriguing.  Actually, I found them a little erotic.  But, I’m not sure what I would do if my husband came home in a chicken suit!  I’m a vegan!  I can’t eat a chicken….let alone have wild furry-sex with one! 

Help!  What do I do?

-Stressed out in Fur-ville

Dear SOIF,

My advice to you is quite simple dearie.  Pick an animal that you wouldn’t consider eating – be it a fox, a wolf, a horse….whatever.  Buy the costume and have a “yiffy” good-time with that “furson” husband of yours!  And, as you experience the best Kama Sutra “yiffing” of your life – don’t forget to “Yip!” you tight-assed ”yiff-sick” fool! [Oh!  Sorry...pardon me....Is it getting *hot* in here or is it my sexy little kitty suit?!].

Ahem [smoothing her fur].  Anyways, go out and have some fun SOIF (just keep it safe, sane and consensual)…

You’ll feel like a “re-whelped” fox…

Sincerely,

Ms. Stark (High Priestess to the Guild of Yiff-sters)

Bilemma

(A short preface: The following question was posed in the wee small hours of Saturday morning after responding to a post by my cousin Venus. I was a little drunk at the time. I kind of blather and blurt stuff out when I’m like that, but it’s a feeling I’ve been acutely aware of for the past 20 years…)

Dear Fellow Knowledgeables:

I find I’m somewhat attracted to women, but have never had the opportunity (or the courage) to actually do anything about it. I otherwise consider myself to be a straight woman. Any advice?

Snappy comebacks #12

Girls, when someone calls you a bitch, does it aggravate you? Never sure of what to say?

Don’t upset yourself over this little insult….we here at the BOK have the answer for you.

The next time someone tries to best you with this little trick, here’s a response that’s sure to stump them.

That may be true, but I’m the pick of the litter!

Getting laid #1

We all know these days that a decent set of tits, cute butt and legs to die for simply aren’t enough. Todays man is looking for more! Something different. Out of the box so to speak!
With this little move you’ll always give the impression of being very athletic and as we all know, men are ALWAYS looking for athletic in the bedroom!
If you mention (in passing) how you can out your ankles behind your ears, that tends to get their attention as well. Nothing like a few party tricks I always say!
I did look for a pic of someone doing this very interesting maneuver, however I ended up on so many porn sites that I got a little distracted…and rather restless….and somewhat sweaty and…never mind!!!
Um, *licking lips* now, where was I again….???
Oh yes!
The little trick above is certain to gain attention. It just screams what the caption says. We all know how men LOVE whores don’t we? They don’t care what type you are, they see or hear whore and they magically appear!
I’m aware the types this little trick would attract are likely to be somewhat shallow, however all you want to do is get laid yes? It’s not like you want to have his babies and live forever in domestic bliss is it? It’s deep and meaningful cock you’re after at this point, not deep and meaningful discussions!
Please take particular note of the fact that this has been done in a tasteful manner. Tits not actually out but obviously in evidence, the business end high enough that they can get a good look and a beaming smile to finish it off with.
Total class, all the way.
Trust me, you can’t go wrong with this one girls. It’s a winner!
Good luck in your endeavors from all of us here at the BOK.
Now go get ‘em!