What next? Jail for whistling?

Cop a load of this!

Can you believe it? I’m concerned now. They may change the law to include wolf whistles.

What if I go to Italy and whistle at some hot young man {more than possible given I’m a tart} and end up in jail!

We ll know that men LOVE to have women whistle and hoot at them. They also love being treated as no more than a sex object. Jump thier bones and send them home to Mummy. They LOVE it.

Fuck me! Where would the fun be in going to Italy if you can’t have a good perv on the local eye candy?

Now the fucking kill joy police are starting to stick their truncheons where they aren’t wanted.

Life is SO depressing sometimes

What was she thinking?

What was this woman thinking? She MAY have been better off with a husband do you think?

**bitch slap yourself woman**

What the fuck was I thinking??? A man would be able to complain as they’re want to do. She was better off with what she had when I think about it.

This works well

Ladies, there are many ways to keep your man happy if you’re so inclined {which is probably not a bad idea if you want the trash taken out and the lawns mowed}

There are many ways for a man to keep a woman happy too, but that’s another post.

The advice I have today is short, sweet and very, very deep.

“To keep a man totally happy, you need to be 3 women in one.
A lady in the lounge, a chef in the kitchen and a slut in the bedroom”

Typical bloody men, never satisfied with one!!

~knowledgable~

My very first time

As promised, I’m going to teach you all about nude garden gnome restoration.
Now, many times I’ve been asked whether the gnome or your person are the nude ones. As most of you know by now, the answer is either can be nude, or if it takes your fancy, both.
Now, I need to warn you, a nude gnome is NOT a pretty sight before you restore it!
All I need say here is, have you EVER seen a concrete penis with lots of holes in it??? It is not for the faint hearted I have to say, and in fact my first glimpse of said penis was quite disturbing. It cost me 000’s in therapy, and there are nights when I still have nightmares about it! (must deal with it…MUST!!!)
Perhaps you would be best to start with yourself nude as opposed to the gnome? It could be less stressful for your first time.
I speak with authority here.
*Please heed this advice! *
Now, just to whet your appetite, I’ve generously decided to share my very first experience in this wonderful hobby.
Picture one is of a sad, lost soul I found laying in the garden of a deserted house. He was in SUCH a state the poor little mite. It almost bought me to tears it was so sad! He was the inspiration behind my passion for this much under rated pass time.

I spent weeks lovingly bring this little guy back to life.
I gave him a new colour.
I gave him personality.
I gave him some wonderful clothes.
I even gave him a light to shine so that other lost souls would find their way to my haven, and a book to read so he would have an opportunity to better himself.
But the most important thing?
I gave him dignity! Why should these much maligned, inoffensive little decorations NOT have their dignity I ask??
Why should they lack the one thing that means much to you and I?
It shouldn’t be so! They should have pride! So I gave it to him, out of the goodness of my heart and because to that point his life had obviously been difficult! {I try to be charitable to those less fortunate than myself. Giving is good for the soul you know!}
See below for the end result of many hours of loving care and attention.
On the really positive side, I did this during summer, and as I wasn’t quite ready to restore a nude gnome at that stage, I myself was naked, and now have a wicked all over tan!
The benefits of this hobby are enormous, and I will clarify some of them in the next lesson, but for now, I merely wanted to highlight my very first project.
I hope you gain as much pleasure from seeing the end result as I did actually creating it!
~Knowledgable~

Shmokin’ da pole

Ladies, you wanna know how to give the best blow job ever? You wanna know how to satisfy your man completely, giving him a mind-blowing, earth-shattering, toes-curling hummer?

Get all your teeth pulled out so you can gum that shit!

Getting laid #1

We all know these days that a decent set of tits, cute butt and legs to die for simply aren’t enough. Todays man is looking for more! Something different. Out of the box so to speak!
With this little move you’ll always give the impression of being very athletic and as we all know, men are ALWAYS looking for athletic in the bedroom!
If you mention (in passing) how you can out your ankles behind your ears, that tends to get their attention as well. Nothing like a few party tricks I always say!
I did look for a pic of someone doing this very interesting maneuver, however I ended up on so many porn sites that I got a little distracted…and rather restless….and somewhat sweaty and…never mind!!!
Um, *licking lips* now, where was I again….???
Oh yes!
The little trick above is certain to gain attention. It just screams what the caption says. We all know how men LOVE whores don’t we? They don’t care what type you are, they see or hear whore and they magically appear!
I’m aware the types this little trick would attract are likely to be somewhat shallow, however all you want to do is get laid yes? It’s not like you want to have his babies and live forever in domestic bliss is it? It’s deep and meaningful cock you’re after at this point, not deep and meaningful discussions!
Please take particular note of the fact that this has been done in a tasteful manner. Tits not actually out but obviously in evidence, the business end high enough that they can get a good look and a beaming smile to finish it off with.
Total class, all the way.
Trust me, you can’t go wrong with this one girls. It’s a winner!
Good luck in your endeavors from all of us here at the BOK.
Now go get ‘em!

How to handle a husband

Ladies, some men think once you’re married that they rule the roost. This (true) story shows this is NOT the case most times.
I have in fact used this on my (current) husband and it worked a treat! After 11 years marriage I still have him. (bit of a record for me!!)
Remains of previous husbands are currently languishing in undisclosed locations..

Many thought this story was an urban legend. Not so, people….not so…

A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary on the beach in Montego Bay, Jamaica.

Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town. “What a peaceful & loving couple”. The local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage.
“Well, it dates back to our honeymoon in America,” explained the man.

“We visited the Grand Canyon in Arizona and took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon by horse. We hadn’t gone too far when my wife’s horse stumbled and she almost fell off.

My wife looked down at the horse and quietly said,” That’s once.”

“We proceeded a little further and the horse stumbled again, this time causing her to drop her water. Once more my wife quietly said, “That’s twice.”

We hadn’t gone a half-mile when the horse stumbled for a third time. My wife quietly removed a revolver from her purse and shot the horse dead.
I shouted at her, “What ’s wrong with you, Woman! Why did you shoot the poor animal like that? Are you crazy??”

She looked at me, and quietly said, “That’s once.”

“And from that moment… we have lived happily ever after.”

Anal bleaching 101

 

Dear Wise One,

What is anal bleaching? Is it safe? Effective? Will the chemicals used make my bumbum tingle or numb? Does it burn? Will my boyfriend like it?

Signed,
Brown Starfish

Dearest Brown Starfish,

Anal bleaching is a technique used to change the dark pigment of the skin around the anus, thus causing it to be a lighter shade, closer to the epidermis of the rest of the body. It is primarily used as a cream, either in your doctor’s office or in the privacy of your own home. I prefer doing it at home so that my S.O. can apply it for me. I find it to be a very erotic practice between the two of us.

It is safe if you are careful with the cream and don’t apply it too heavily, and for goodness’ sake, don’t ingest it or apply it to the inside of your anus! It does not hurt nor will it make your ass hole fall off. It’s perfectly okay to use, if you use the aforementioned precautions.

After using the bleaching cream for several days, you ought to see results. Once you have reached the pigment hue of choice, discontinue the cream and enjoy your new *and improved* anus. It will make you feel *and look* like a young filly again!

Plus, Britney’s doing it! So why the hell not try it!

Signed,
Red

Spit, Swallow or Dodge

To spit or not to spit? Now that is the question. Times, they are a-changing, folks. You don’t go on dates anymore and make small talk about jobs and dreams and lifetime goals. No, you discuss whether or not you take a mouthful of cum and spit it out or swallow it gracefully. Over morning coffee with your spouse, do you discuss taking his wad and swallowing it into the depths of your stomach? I know I do.

Just this morning, the husband told me how much he loves knowing that I swallow his warm jizm once he shoots it down my throat, as his body shakes and convulses into extasy. Like I have a choice, with that monster probing my mouth like it does! Sheesh!

Anyhow!

A girl *or guy* has a choice to make. Are you going to spit out your lover’s love yogurt, or are you going to swallow it? Are you going to take it in the mouth, taste it and refuse it .. as you spit it out in a non-ladylike fashion? Or are you going to take it like a man and feel it trickle down your throat, knowing that a bunch of little baby spermies are making their way inside your body. Or are you just going to dodge the baby batter all together, and stroke him off into your hand, or perhaps onto your breasts or in your ear?

There is no right or wrong way to do it. Do what feels comfortable to you. Some say it’s an acquired taste. Some take to it right away and eat it for lunch on a daily basis. Some gag at just looking at the white gooey mess. Me? I like it. It’s a big ego booster to the male species if you can take his spunk and swallow it. Brownie points if you can do it without making a face. Extra brownie points *with sprinkles* if you can do a double nut. And enjoy it. Genuinely enjoy it.

Makes my mouth water just thinking about it.

da R-U-L-E-S

This entry is geared mainly for the husbands out there. If you’d like to keep your balls intact, follow these three simple rules . . .

Do not spray paint in the house. Even if you think you’re being sneaky – nothing, absolutely nothing will mask or cover the fumes.

Do not clean your garage tools in the dishwasher. Just don’t.

Do not throw your muddy boots in with the wash that contains the wifey’s underlovelies – or anything else for that matter!

If you do these things, you’ll be woken up in the middle of the night as your balls are being snipped off with a set of rusty ol’ hedge trimmers. Trust me, I made a pretty set of dangly earrings with the hubby’s balls not long after we married!