How NOT to get revenge

There are hundreds of thousands of people have had marriage/relationship break downs. In many cases they simply not meant to be no matter how hard you try.
The reasons are many and varied, some with other people involved, others simply because life and all it’s trials get in the way and the relationship simply cannot withstand the pressure.
In both my cases all I wanted was to be done with them and move on once the decision was made to finish it.
There were no thoughts of revenge or payback, none of those things.
Now, if I had been inclined to making sure they suffered I’m hoping I would be smarter than this
The time between the break up and the attempted act of revenge amused me too I must say. Why the devil would you wait so damned long?
Did this woman sit at home for 8 years trying to decide which manner of pay back was best? Did she sit in her lounge chair every night dreaming of revenge on an old boyfriend?
If she did it was obviously time wasted because she didn’t even have the intelligence to not use her home computer.
She would have been better off at an internet cafe? At least the IP address would have been generic instead of her home address!
Let this be a lesson to anyone considering getting their own back, even if it is 8 years after a break up.
Try and learn form the error of this woman’s ways.
If you want pay back, just shoot the bastard, then noone else can have him either! Not only that, youre pretty much guaranteed 3 meals a day and a bed for around 20 years. Who knows, you may find out you don’t like men after all and in fact want to munch the rug.
Sounds more practical to me. If I’m going to jail it’s for a real crime, not some pissy little kick him in the balls reason.
~knowledgable~

Shmokin’ da pole

Ladies, you wanna know how to give the best blow job ever? You wanna know how to satisfy your man completely, giving him a mind-blowing, earth-shattering, toes-curling hummer?

Get all your teeth pulled out so you can gum that shit!

Anal bleaching 101

 

Dear Wise One,

What is anal bleaching? Is it safe? Effective? Will the chemicals used make my bumbum tingle or numb? Does it burn? Will my boyfriend like it?

Signed,
Brown Starfish

Dearest Brown Starfish,

Anal bleaching is a technique used to change the dark pigment of the skin around the anus, thus causing it to be a lighter shade, closer to the epidermis of the rest of the body. It is primarily used as a cream, either in your doctor’s office or in the privacy of your own home. I prefer doing it at home so that my S.O. can apply it for me. I find it to be a very erotic practice between the two of us.

It is safe if you are careful with the cream and don’t apply it too heavily, and for goodness’ sake, don’t ingest it or apply it to the inside of your anus! It does not hurt nor will it make your ass hole fall off. It’s perfectly okay to use, if you use the aforementioned precautions.

After using the bleaching cream for several days, you ought to see results. Once you have reached the pigment hue of choice, discontinue the cream and enjoy your new *and improved* anus. It will make you feel *and look* like a young filly again!

Plus, Britney’s doing it! So why the hell not try it!

Signed,
Red

Spit, Swallow or Dodge

To spit or not to spit? Now that is the question. Times, they are a-changing, folks. You don’t go on dates anymore and make small talk about jobs and dreams and lifetime goals. No, you discuss whether or not you take a mouthful of cum and spit it out or swallow it gracefully. Over morning coffee with your spouse, do you discuss taking his wad and swallowing it into the depths of your stomach? I know I do.

Just this morning, the husband told me how much he loves knowing that I swallow his warm jizm once he shoots it down my throat, as his body shakes and convulses into extasy. Like I have a choice, with that monster probing my mouth like it does! Sheesh!

Anyhow!

A girl *or guy* has a choice to make. Are you going to spit out your lover’s love yogurt, or are you going to swallow it? Are you going to take it in the mouth, taste it and refuse it .. as you spit it out in a non-ladylike fashion? Or are you going to take it like a man and feel it trickle down your throat, knowing that a bunch of little baby spermies are making their way inside your body. Or are you just going to dodge the baby batter all together, and stroke him off into your hand, or perhaps onto your breasts or in your ear?

There is no right or wrong way to do it. Do what feels comfortable to you. Some say it’s an acquired taste. Some take to it right away and eat it for lunch on a daily basis. Some gag at just looking at the white gooey mess. Me? I like it. It’s a big ego booster to the male species if you can take his spunk and swallow it. Brownie points if you can do it without making a face. Extra brownie points *with sprinkles* if you can do a double nut. And enjoy it. Genuinely enjoy it.

Makes my mouth water just thinking about it.

da R-U-L-E-S

This entry is geared mainly for the husbands out there. If you’d like to keep your balls intact, follow these three simple rules . . .

Do not spray paint in the house. Even if you think you’re being sneaky – nothing, absolutely nothing will mask or cover the fumes.

Do not clean your garage tools in the dishwasher. Just don’t.

Do not throw your muddy boots in with the wash that contains the wifey’s underlovelies – or anything else for that matter!

If you do these things, you’ll be woken up in the middle of the night as your balls are being snipped off with a set of rusty ol’ hedge trimmers. Trust me, I made a pretty set of dangly earrings with the hubby’s balls not long after we married!

Male mystery solved

Stolen from my other joint …

One of the perks to being a woman . . .

I can get anything out of my husband, any tedious task done, any errand made, or otherwise anything I want accomplished, but really don’t want to do myself, by saying one thing:

I’ll slob your knob if you do it.

Works everytime.

Kitchen duties

Mothers. Yes, I know it’s for your automobiles. I know it’s supposed to make your rims nice and shiny, to where you can see your reflection in them. But! Did you know that you can also use it to clean and shine your smooth-top stove? Yes, my lovelies. You can. And you, too – over there! You can do it, too.

Just clean your stove top thoroughly with soap and water – dry. Take a small amount of the polish and rub it on the stove, in small circles. Just do a little piece at a time, and once you’ve polished it, use another clean rag and buff it clean. Make sure you do this! Continue working your way over the entire surface of the stove and in minutes, it’ll be gleaming.

I do this about once a month.

Correct response #1

It’s not wise to not put all your eggs in the one basket. Unless of course you want scrambled eggs, but that’s another post for another day.
Whilst it’s always nice to have the joint/household/bills/savings/nest egg account happening with your significant other, there is another track you should be traveling at the same time.
The cunning kit.
It’s always wise to have a bit on the side I think. An account that only generates electronic statements to your secondary email account and has enough in it so if you need to buy that irresistible pair of shoes you can. Remember the stunning, original, designer dress you saw a few weeks ago, then cried when you checked the price tag? With a cunning kit you could have afforded it you know. There was no need for the tears my lovelies. It could have been yours.
There wouldn’t have been any questions regarding said item from your other half. Let’s be honest, he wouldn’t know the difference between a Valentino and a K Mart would he?
In fact there is a vast possibility he won’t even know it was new because they really don’t take that much notice now do they?
Perchance he does ask, (as unlikely as that is) the correct response is “This old thing? I’ve had it for ages, but only just got it back from the cleaners. I love the way you make me feel so special and sexy every time I wear this” All whilst blushing like a school girl. (doesn’t hurt to throw in a little giggle as well)
End result?
He’s feeling good for having made you feel good (it would never occur to him to wonder HOW he managed that little feat, he’ll be far too busy patting himself on the back for a job well done and thinking he’s gonna get laid tonight)
You’ve got the designer dress to make your friends jealous and both of you are happy little campers.
Don’t look at it as deception, see it as spicing things up a bit!
Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind.

The very first lesson

Never start a 4th blog until you’ve actually asked the others you think MAY help you, if they actually WILL help you.
If you do however, remember that graft and corruption are always an option if you need to bribe them for their cooperation.
Once you’ve decided on the bribe option, the next step is to consider exactly what you have to offer in order to make it one they simply cannot refuse.
Given they’re not even in the same hemisphere as me, that could be a little f**king difficult!
I’m reasonably intelligent however, so I’m sure I’ll come up with something…..
Any ideas would be welcomed at this stage.
In fact, consider it your first assignment.
Off you go. I need the answer pretty quick though or I’ll be drowning in blogs!
OH!! Before you go, the first one to spot the mistake in the blog gets a gold star ok?