What next? Jail for whistling?

Cop a load of this!

Can you believe it? I’m concerned now. They may change the law to include wolf whistles.

What if I go to Italy and whistle at some hot young man {more than possible given I’m a tart} and end up in jail!

We ll know that men LOVE to have women whistle and hoot at them. They also love being treated as no more than a sex object. Jump thier bones and send them home to Mummy. They LOVE it.

Fuck me! Where would the fun be in going to Italy if you can’t have a good perv on the local eye candy?

Now the fucking kill joy police are starting to stick their truncheons where they aren’t wanted.

Life is SO depressing sometimes

What was she thinking?

What was this woman thinking? She MAY have been better off with a husband do you think?

**bitch slap yourself woman**

What the fuck was I thinking??? A man would be able to complain as they’re want to do. She was better off with what she had when I think about it.

How NOT to get revenge

There are hundreds of thousands of people have had marriage/relationship break downs. In many cases they simply not meant to be no matter how hard you try.
The reasons are many and varied, some with other people involved, others simply because life and all it’s trials get in the way and the relationship simply cannot withstand the pressure.
In both my cases all I wanted was to be done with them and move on once the decision was made to finish it.
There were no thoughts of revenge or payback, none of those things.
Now, if I had been inclined to making sure they suffered I’m hoping I would be smarter than this
The time between the break up and the attempted act of revenge amused me too I must say. Why the devil would you wait so damned long?
Did this woman sit at home for 8 years trying to decide which manner of pay back was best? Did she sit in her lounge chair every night dreaming of revenge on an old boyfriend?
If she did it was obviously time wasted because she didn’t even have the intelligence to not use her home computer.
She would have been better off at an internet cafe? At least the IP address would have been generic instead of her home address!
Let this be a lesson to anyone considering getting their own back, even if it is 8 years after a break up.
Try and learn form the error of this woman’s ways.
If you want pay back, just shoot the bastard, then noone else can have him either! Not only that, youre pretty much guaranteed 3 meals a day and a bed for around 20 years. Who knows, you may find out you don’t like men after all and in fact want to munch the rug.
Sounds more practical to me. If I’m going to jail it’s for a real crime, not some pissy little kick him in the balls reason.
~knowledgable~

This works well

Ladies, there are many ways to keep your man happy if you’re so inclined {which is probably not a bad idea if you want the trash taken out and the lawns mowed}

There are many ways for a man to keep a woman happy too, but that’s another post.

The advice I have today is short, sweet and very, very deep.

“To keep a man totally happy, you need to be 3 women in one.
A lady in the lounge, a chef in the kitchen and a slut in the bedroom”

Typical bloody men, never satisfied with one!!

~knowledgable~

For the guys

The bulk of our wisdom has been for the girls, so I thought I’d balance the scales with a small piece of advice for the guys. Just a quickie though. Don’t want to be giving the shop away do we girls?

If you remember this always, it will stand you in good stead.

More than likely get you laid at some point too.

Dear knowledgable

I received this email from a somewhat distressed young man just last night. I would appreciate it if my esteemed colleagues could attempt some type of solution for this guy. He sounds as if he’s suffering for all the wrong reasons. My heart goes out to him…I would ordinarily give a response here, but for unknown reasons I’m feeling quite warm and flushed…..

Dear ladies of the all knowing blog,
I’ve spoken to a sex therapist about my little quandary but he seemed more interested in the 350.00 an hour I had to pay than actually giving me any answers. I know how cheap you girls are so this was the obvious next step.
Here is the crux of the matter. I have a VERY big dick! In fact, it’s HUGE! Whilst I am the envy of most male friends, this is not the case with women.
I cannot find a woman willing to participate in the horizontal hula with me! I’m considered by the opposite sex to be reasonably attractive and never have a problem getting first, second and even third dates, which is about when the problem starts. {I’m not one to push a woman to sleep with me until at least the 3rd date out of respect}
All goes well, to a point at these times. I have a special place I like to take girl to eat. French cuisine, very romantic atmosphere, good wine. I think it’s nice to do things in style you know? We get past dinner, dessert and coffee without any trouble at all.
It’s when I suggest a night cap at my place we seem to hit the wall.
Just last night I went through the motions with a wonderful young lady named Linda. After arriving at my apartment and enjoying coffee and some light petting, the situation looked as if it would progress to my king size water bed. Getting to the bedroom was no problem, still kissing and petting, becoming quite passionate. Time to disrobe. All is well until Linda decides to go down on me.
Within 2 minutes of her seeing my member, in ALL his glory, she has dressed, and abuses me in no uncertain terms.
Here is the truly painful part. Her reaction was:
“I’m insulted you think I have a big enough place to put that monster!! What do you think I am? A 44 gallon drum? Don’t ever call me again!!”
I can’t help that I have something this size in my pants! It was almost like she thought I’d grown it specially to upset her, like some type of mutant monster!
Please help me! Should I be telling women of this before I get to the point of going to bed with them? Surely that would be in bad taste?
I can just see me over the strawberry crepes. “Oh, by the way, I need you to know my shlong is 12″ long and 4″ round. Do you think you can handle that???”
I’m not convinced this is the answer.
Please help me. My wrist is also starting to be a problem because I need to have the odd wank in order to keep myself sane.
Please tell me you have the answer oh wise ones.
Signed
Biggus Dickus in a dilemma.

Shmokin’ da pole

Ladies, you wanna know how to give the best blow job ever? You wanna know how to satisfy your man completely, giving him a mind-blowing, earth-shattering, toes-curling hummer?

Get all your teeth pulled out so you can gum that shit!

Getting laid #1

We all know these days that a decent set of tits, cute butt and legs to die for simply aren’t enough. Todays man is looking for more! Something different. Out of the box so to speak!
With this little move you’ll always give the impression of being very athletic and as we all know, men are ALWAYS looking for athletic in the bedroom!
If you mention (in passing) how you can out your ankles behind your ears, that tends to get their attention as well. Nothing like a few party tricks I always say!
I did look for a pic of someone doing this very interesting maneuver, however I ended up on so many porn sites that I got a little distracted…and rather restless….and somewhat sweaty and…never mind!!!
Um, *licking lips* now, where was I again….???
Oh yes!
The little trick above is certain to gain attention. It just screams what the caption says. We all know how men LOVE whores don’t we? They don’t care what type you are, they see or hear whore and they magically appear!
I’m aware the types this little trick would attract are likely to be somewhat shallow, however all you want to do is get laid yes? It’s not like you want to have his babies and live forever in domestic bliss is it? It’s deep and meaningful cock you’re after at this point, not deep and meaningful discussions!
Please take particular note of the fact that this has been done in a tasteful manner. Tits not actually out but obviously in evidence, the business end high enough that they can get a good look and a beaming smile to finish it off with.
Total class, all the way.
Trust me, you can’t go wrong with this one girls. It’s a winner!
Good luck in your endeavors from all of us here at the BOK.
Now go get ‘em!

How to handle a husband

Ladies, some men think once you’re married that they rule the roost. This (true) story shows this is NOT the case most times.
I have in fact used this on my (current) husband and it worked a treat! After 11 years marriage I still have him. (bit of a record for me!!)
Remains of previous husbands are currently languishing in undisclosed locations..

Many thought this story was an urban legend. Not so, people….not so…

A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary on the beach in Montego Bay, Jamaica.

Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town. “What a peaceful & loving couple”. The local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage.
“Well, it dates back to our honeymoon in America,” explained the man.

“We visited the Grand Canyon in Arizona and took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon by horse. We hadn’t gone too far when my wife’s horse stumbled and she almost fell off.

My wife looked down at the horse and quietly said,” That’s once.”

“We proceeded a little further and the horse stumbled again, this time causing her to drop her water. Once more my wife quietly said, “That’s twice.”

We hadn’t gone a half-mile when the horse stumbled for a third time. My wife quietly removed a revolver from her purse and shot the horse dead.
I shouted at her, “What ’s wrong with you, Woman! Why did you shoot the poor animal like that? Are you crazy??”

She looked at me, and quietly said, “That’s once.”

“And from that moment… we have lived happily ever after.”

Anal bleaching 101

 

Dear Wise One,

What is anal bleaching? Is it safe? Effective? Will the chemicals used make my bumbum tingle or numb? Does it burn? Will my boyfriend like it?

Signed,
Brown Starfish

Dearest Brown Starfish,

Anal bleaching is a technique used to change the dark pigment of the skin around the anus, thus causing it to be a lighter shade, closer to the epidermis of the rest of the body. It is primarily used as a cream, either in your doctor’s office or in the privacy of your own home. I prefer doing it at home so that my S.O. can apply it for me. I find it to be a very erotic practice between the two of us.

It is safe if you are careful with the cream and don’t apply it too heavily, and for goodness’ sake, don’t ingest it or apply it to the inside of your anus! It does not hurt nor will it make your ass hole fall off. It’s perfectly okay to use, if you use the aforementioned precautions.

After using the bleaching cream for several days, you ought to see results. Once you have reached the pigment hue of choice, discontinue the cream and enjoy your new *and improved* anus. It will make you feel *and look* like a young filly again!

Plus, Britney’s doing it! So why the hell not try it!

Signed,
Red