da R-U-L-E-S

This entry is geared mainly for the husbands out there. If you’d like to keep your balls intact, follow these three simple rules . . .

Do not spray paint in the house. Even if you think you’re being sneaky – nothing, absolutely nothing will mask or cover the fumes.

Do not clean your garage tools in the dishwasher. Just don’t.

Do not throw your muddy boots in with the wash that contains the wifey’s underlovelies – or anything else for that matter!

If you do these things, you’ll be woken up in the middle of the night as your balls are being snipped off with a set of rusty ol’ hedge trimmers. Trust me, I made a pretty set of dangly earrings with the hubby’s balls not long after we married!

Relationship tip: Communication with your man

Ladies:  When you ask your man what he’s thinking about, he usually answers “nothing.”  Am I right?  Of course I am!  And here is the reason:  He really isn’t thinking about anything.

However, if he does happen to be thinking of something, it will not be anything you are interested in. It will not be your relationship, or how pretty your new toenail polish is, or whether the dishwasher’s been emptied.  He will be thinking about sex or sports or food or sex.  Or sex.  Or sports.  Maybe food. 

 Remember, if you just keep these few simple facts in mind, things will be a lot better in the long run.  Men:  They’re uncomplicated creatures with very uncomplicated minds.